Sample Composition Marking
This is a full example of what parents receive after one composition submission.
Submitted Composition
没尽到责任的结果
我这个人大大咧咧做事马马虎虎，但却从来不以为然。我的口头禅是天塌下来，当被盖，虽然我的性格给自己带来很多麻烦父母老师也批评过我，但我依然我行我素，并不认为有什么问题是每当别人要我去做一件事，我总是想方设法的去找借口，避看去拖延，直到发生的一件事，让我重重地受到了一次教训，终于让我反思没有责任感的后果。
那一天放学回家，妈妈对我说小强，我要出去跟朋友吃饭，不在家等一下你帮妹妹换尿布行吗？我那时正在看书，没专心听，就摁的一声随口答应了妈妈提起...
860 Chinese characters
Sample Student's score
What Went Well
- Theme of responsibility is present and story is generally on-topic.
- There is a key event that serves as a learning point, and some scenes show emotion.
- Some use of descriptive vocabulary beyond very basic words (e.g., "沉迷在游戏世界中"、"三步并作两步地跑").
- Attempts at using dialogue and emotional words are present.
- The story follows the expected sequence of beginning, development, and conclusion.
Your 3 Priority Actions
1. Break your story into clear paragraphs, with new paragraphs for changes in time, action, or speaker (especially for dialogue and when something important happens).
2. Use more specific sensory details to show characters' feelings and build scenes (e.g., describe your heart racing, the sound of the police knocking, your sister’s cries).
3. Vary your sentence structure: combine short and long sentences, use rhetorical questions, exclamations, and more natural dialogue to make the language lively and realistic.
Grammar To Fix
Long run-on sentences, incorrect punctuation and missing subject-verb separation. Needs breaking up for clarity and flow, and quotation marks for dialogue.
Awkward phrasing ("晃了声") and lacks proper dialogue punctuation (missing quotation marks and appropriate verbs).
Vocabulary Upgrades
Model Paragraph
Your paragraph
我顿时自责极了，仿佛感受到妹妹皮肤痒难受的样子，我默默地把电脑关了，拿了一本书，然后坐在妹妹旁边陪着他。
Improved version (AL1 standard)
看到妹妹小腿上大片红红的疹子，我的心一下子沉了下去，愧疚、后悔、自责像海浪一样向我袭来。我轻轻抱起妹妹，帮她换上干净的尿布，一边不停地道歉：“对不起，对不起……”看着她委屈地吸着手指，脸上还挂着泪痕，我的眼眶也湿润了。我默默关掉电脑，拿起一本书，决定好好陪着妹妹，再也不能让自己粗心大意了。
What changed
The improved version adds vivid sensory detail ("大片红红的疹子", "脸上还挂着泪痕"), deeper emotional response ("愧疚、后悔、自责像海浪一样"), and realistic actions (apologizing, physical comfort). Dialogue and internal thoughts are included to show emotion rather than just stating it. Sentence variety and rhythm are used for greater impact.
Keep going! 加油！
ZJ, your scene where you realized your sister had rashes from not changing her diaper was honest and heartfelt — it shows you’re able to reflect on both actions and feelings. Keep working on paragraphing and describing what you see, hear or feel; those details will take your writing to the next level!